A father from Vancouver, whose son is from the autism spectrum, shared on social media how painful it was to see only one classmate at his birthday party. He is now receiving a stream of support, which he hopes will mark the beginning of an important conversation.
David Chen is the father of four children and has planned and attended frequent children’s birthday parties. So when Max was six, he sent out invitations, rented an indoor playground, packed bags of treats, and bought enough cupcakes for all 19 kids in the class.
“AT THIS MOMENT, THE EMPTY STRIKE”
The party was set for Saturday and cancellation was not an option, although 16 of Max’s 19 families had not responded to the invitation. Even as he tried to get the most out of the situation, Chen said he was overwhelmed with sadness when he looked around and saw no one sitting at child-sized tables or playing in the jungle gym.
“I thought it was good that not many people were coming out, but at that moment this emptiness hit,” he said.
“I thought I couldn’t be the only one who’s been through something like this, and that should hurt people. So I decided to put it there… It was just devastating.
Since tweeting, he has received hundreds and hundreds of responses. Many are parents whose children are also the “different child in the class,” while others are adults who still remember exactly what it was like to be in Max’s position.
“One thing that still makes my heart bleed when I think about it is that they said, ‘It happened to me 30 years ago. “I just keep thinking about this echo, how much it has affected someone, this very simple birthday party,” Chen told CTV News.
My child with autism spectrum disorder is a different child in the class. We invited all his classmates to his birthday today and only 1 showed up. It is difficult to explain to my child and the mother of this child that only one classmate came. I’m not guessing, but it’s still an empty day. pic.twitter.com/D2tSGL7iP1
– David Chen, Concerned Citizen @ 余 (@DavidChenTweets) May 14, 2022
One of the hardest things, Chen says, was seeing Max disappointed. While his son had some difficulty describing how he felt, Chen knew when Max said, “He was fine,” he wasn’t.
Max’s teacher was among those who saw the post and worked with Chen to throw a classroom party on Monday. Uneaten cupcakes and unopened bags of treats were shared with the whole class.
“When he came back, I asked him, ‘How was it?’ He said, ‘I liked it!'” Chen says.
“For someone who can’t express their emotions, I have to deviate from their reactions. And that’s the difference. It was really good that they tried to fix the situation and I saw the difference in his face today was great. “
“EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN TO DO THIS BETTER”
While Chen is happy that his son has received a party, he says the experience has made him realize how important these experiences can be for children and families. He has prepared a PAC guide to hand out birthday packages to families at the beginning of the school year.
The first thing he hopes is for families to realize how important it is to simply respond to the invitation when it is sent. The uncertainty he faced when he didn’t get a response from most parents was something Chen said caused a lot of worry and grief.
The next is that he hopes these things will be planned in a way that will break down some unnecessary barriers and make events more inclusive. For example, Chen says that some families give up these events because they can’t afford to buy a gift and are ashamed to show up without one. Others may not be able to eat the most commonly served food, such as pizza or hot dogs.
“We all need to learn how to do this better. We only have a very extreme period in which we can actually invite a whole class. And after that period disappeared, he was gone forever. And that’s why I think a lot of it could work out, “he said.
“We need to celebrate our differences and just be stronger together. Because honestly, we’re all the same inside.”
Chen says he was also busy contacting anyone who turned up after his initial tweet.
“Especially for people who have been through this, they stay away. So imagine if they left a comment and never got a response? It’s more to be missed. That’s why there’s a part of me that’s like, “I have to answer everyone if I can.”
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