Lisa McLeod has spoken openly about her struggles with mental health and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder after taking a step back from politics last summer.
The Progressive Conservative MPP for Nepean spoke on TVO’s The Agenda with host Steve Paikin about her years dealing with issues while a soldier.
CBC News made repeated attempts to contact MacLeod but was unsuccessful.
“I think it was probably during the minority parliament between 2011 and 2014 and the only reason I’m saying it now is because I realize I was losing my hair and I was probably in a state of mania,” she said.
“But I definitely knew that between 2014 and 2016 I was dealing with depression.”
She said things have developed in the first year since she became a cabinet minister in June 2018.
None of this was on my bingo card.- Lisa McLeod, Progressive Conservative MPP
“There were a number of complex files to look at that were very controversial,” she said.
She ended up going to the Ottawa hospital and talking to a psychiatrist, “dealing with a lot of issues that I’m still dealing with now.”
About two weeks after she was re-elected in June for the sixth time in her career — and the same day she lost her cabinet post — McLeod announced she was taking some time off to take care of her mental and physical health.
During the campaign, the Ontario NDP revealed that McLeod received more than $44,000 in allowances from her Ottawa-area riding association over three years, including money to pay for her housing.
Although it was legal, PC leader Doug Ford said he was “disappointed” by it and would work with other party leaders to prevent riding association funds from being used for MPP allowances.
“After several years and particularly dealing with a very serious crisis during the election, it was really about time I found out exactly what I had,” she said.
“I knew it couldn’t just be down to some of the trauma of 24/7 police protection. My mood was not stable and I had some very serious thoughts of harming myself.’
The election campaign was the most difficult in his career
McLeod says being tourism minister during the lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic has been very difficult because of how badly the sector has been affected. (Evan Mitsui/CBC)
Trying to deal with his mental health during an election campaign was “a politician’s worst nightmare”.
“I enjoyed my time in the cabinet, I enjoyed my time on the opposition front bench. I love being at community events, but some days I can’t get out of bed,” she said.
“You’re actually in the middle of an election campaign with your psychiatrist peeling away layers of you and trying to depoliticize you as a politician.”
She said that as the minister of some of the hardest hit sectors of the economy by the lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic, combined with the pressure of being a politician in Ottawa during the Freedom Convoy protests, she is not sure if she has the strength to continue in her position.
“I wrote a letter to myself on February 23 and said that I will not run [in the 2022 election],” she said.
But, she said, time just flew by and she eventually started running again.
“It was very difficult – it was my hardest of my six,” she said.
“None of this was on my bingo card. It wasn’t like, ‘Oh yeah, let’s spend our whole lives, our family, sacrificing weekends and holidays so that in the middle of it all it blows up.'”
I’m getting help
McLeod said the help she received came from a team of people, including family, doctors and professionals, but even through that she said she kept her sense of humor.
“I’m bipolar, or as Frank Sinatra would say, 18-carat, manic-depressive.”
She said she thought the diagnosis would be her “magic pill,” but realized she still had work to do.
“Whatever they give me, in my case lithium will just cure me. And then that doesn’t work either, because, you know…it’s really a cocktail that works for you and you alone,” she said.
“So for the last few months I’ve been trying to find the right recipe or cocktail or drug and amount to stabilize me and put me on the path to success.”
McLeod says she knew she needed to focus on her mental health after becoming a cabinet minister. (Chris Young/The Canadian Press)
She said the diagnosis was difficult for her family, especially her husband.
“Joe is very involved in my election campaigns. He was actually the one who told my psychiatrist that I was living with this, bipolar, and he had seen it for many years and so it was very difficult for him.”
McLeod said that when she told her daughter about her diagnosis, she already knew.
“Apparently she knew before I did,” she said.
Although she was angry when she found out she needed help for her mental health, McLeod said she wants to focus on making sure people who need help get it and aren’t held back by public stigma.
“Someone who you think is strong and can do anything and is capable may be sick. … So maybe let’s not judge people,” she said.
“It’s okay to be unwell or mental health is health. This is not a slogan for just one day of the year.”
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