Okay. 2022 was not exactly what we needed after almost two years of intermittent lockdowns and ongoing health concerns during the Covid pandemic. What we could do with it was something soothing. Something soothing to give us time to return to our normal lives. Last December I wrote my predictions for the coming year. I predicted that Boris Johnson would be ousted from Number 10 by the start of the summer and that Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss would be the two favorites to become Prime Minister. I even said Truss would win as the Tory party was determined to prove it had a sense of humour. Satire is rewritten as history.
But I was too cautious. I never dreamed that Truss would only last a few weeks and that the person the party didn’t want would become the MPs’ new champion. Or that the economy will be the second worst performing in the G20. Or that British politics will turn out to be highly dysfunctional. So I’m going to skip the predictions this year. Safe in the knowledge that 2023 will almost certainly be much, much worse than anything you can imagine. Instead, let’s reflect on the last 12 months.
Turn of the year
Where do I start? You can choose from almost any cabinet member. At one point during the Tory leadership campaign, Nadhim Zahawi appeared to give his unequivocal support to at least three candidates simultaneously. But kudos have to go and the top spot goes to Rishi Sunak for a series of U-turns. Does Sunak think onshore wind farms are a good idea or not? Does he approve of new homes being built in the green belt or not? Does he support an energy price cap or not? I can go on. At some point during the year, Sunak believed all of these things; and their opposites. He is Schrödinger’s prime minister. There and not there. So much so that he had to qualify his lack of security. Everything he believed in during the first leadership campaign, he no longer necessarily believes. These beliefs were time specific. Also, he lost that leadership bid, so he no longer has to believe what he said he believed. Or something like that. Now he is free to reinvent himself. The whole point of Rishi is to believe nothing. Except what is necessary to survive another week as Prime Minister.
Resignation of the year
Again, so much to choose from. Boris Johnson’s ruthless exit from number 10. He still doesn’t see that breaking the laws he did and lying to parliament disqualifies him not only from the highest office but from any job in government. Then there was the emotional departure of Liz Truss. Not to mention the 60 or so ministerial resignations that preceded Johnson’s departure. But the place of honor must go to Michelle Donelan, who took the job of education secretary on July 5 after Johnson promoted Zahawi to chancellor. Only to resign less than two days later. What happened in those few hours to change her mind is anybody’s guess. Unless you were the only person in Westminster who thought Boris was a winner on Tuesday and a loser on Thursday. People would kill for such sharp political antennae.
Death of the year
Amidst all the political upheaval, it’s easy to forget that the Queen died in September. Even though he was 96 years old, it was still a deep shock. It was almost as if we had allowed ourselves to believe that she might somehow never die. For her to die was unthinkable. The ten days of mourning, culminating in a state funeral, brought out the best in the country. Bound people are slightly healthier. Her coffin being lowered into the crypt at Windsor was one of the defining images of the year. Her death reminded us of all the other losses. The deaths are not fully mourned. If any death can be said to be fully mourned. For most of us, this is a never-ending process. My sister is celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary in April. I asked her if she was having a party. “No,” she replied. There will be too many empty spaces. I know how he feels.
Woman of the year
I was tempted to give the award to Liz Truss. No woman has had a greater impact on the country. And when she looks back on her career, she will never die amazed. Too bad she got almost everything wrong. But credit goes to Nazanin Zagahari-Ratcliffe for the tenacity and dignity with which she endured as a prisoner in Iran. And for not bowing to the government’s narrative when she was released. Zagary-Ratcliffe clung tightly to her own truth. That she was badly disappointed by Johnson, who, during a special committee hearing, casually accused her of schooling journalists. The government tried to claim her release as their victory; Nazanin was having none of it.
Man of the year
A clear winner. As of 2019, the UK has voted – or rather in the case of Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak, the Tory Party and Tory MPs have voted – for a Prime Minister and ended up with a comedian. Ukraine did it another way. They voted for a comic actor and ended up being the frontrunner. Volodymyr Zelensky is an inspiration not only for Ukraine, but also for the rest of the world. He held his country firmly during the invasion and defied most military analysts who assumed that Russian victory was inevitable. Moreover, it has become a moral compass for the West. A leader we can all look up to when our own are found wanting.
The goat
The World Cup in Qatar has left everyone feeling a bit sleazy – especially those like me who promised we’d do our best to ignore it and then became addicted to football. Even when England’s journey ended predictably enough in the quarter-finals – did people really imagine we would go further? Still, it solved one problem to most people’s satisfaction. The greatest of all time. At least in the 21st century. Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo? There will be some who still think Ronaldo is the special, 37-year-old player around whom every Premier League team should build a squad of players. But Messi’s performance in leading Argentina to World Cup glory – even when it looked like he was doing it at a leisurely pace for long periods – will have sealed the deal for most people. He has now won every competition for club and country, along with countless individual awards. And he seems like a decent guy. Now to pit him against Pele.
Prophet of the year
It’s very tempting to give it to myself for last year’s column. If only I had dared to be a little wilder. Still, Matt Hancock is a more than worthy winner. Because it turns out there’s nothing he did wrong. In his bestselling Pandemic Diaries – available for under £1 from all good charity shops – Matt gets all the big calls right. He spotted the threat of Covid long before the Chinese and fought heroically to get Johnson and Dominic Cummings to take the virus more seriously. He has also personally made billions of PPE items in his spare time. It may also help that Matt has a rather unusual approach to journaling. Instead of writing simultaneously, he makes notes retrospectively, talking years later with a ghostwriter. His predictions for 2022, in which he predicts the exact day Russia will invade Ukraine and that he will come third on I’m a Celebrity, have just been published.
Banned word of the year
No contest. It’s official now. We are no longer allowed to use the word Brexit. The Conservatives banned it because their government department dedicated to researching the benefits of Brexit had to be shut down as no one could find any. It’s also on Labour’s banned list as the party feels it shouldn’t be mentioned before the next election as it might trigger ‘red wall’ voters. So the fact that the country has taken a big hit on GDP and many leavers have doubts is now considered a crime. Failing businesses simply failed to take advantage of the new opportunities of labor shortages and increased bureaucracy. To mention Brexit is to humiliate the United Kingdom.
The moral bankruptcy of the year
Johnson will be gutted. It’s the first time he hasn’t won this award in nearly a decade. Although he tried. Delivering four second-rate speeches for £250,000 in November, while still having money for his accommodation from the ever-generous Bamfords, shows a complete disregard for how the majority of the country lives. Yet even Boris can’t handle Michelle Monet, who has apparently earned a £29m share of the profits of a company that supplies unusable PPE. Keeping the aspidistra flying.
The natural world
Seeing a red squirrel in the wild is a lifelong ambition. And this year, while spending a weekend on the Isle of Wight, I did. Even better, I also saw a black squirrel. paradise. 2022 wasn’t just unbridled chaos.
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